I feel as if I am a burden on my family.  Frankly, my children seem to have little patience for my illness lately and my husband is carrying the burden of taking care of me.  Today I couldn't go and do a simple task of grocery shopping. So my husband is off to buy groceries and run errands.  I wish I could change things but unfortunately I can't.  I understand that it must get old to see me sick and nothing is getting better.  I cherish the few good days and hours that I am able to have some reprieve but it seems to be less and less lately.  I rarely hear from anyone anymore and this disease is becoming more and more isolating.  No wonder elderly people get depressed, when you are alone I suppose you start to feel that no one really cares.  At least I have a long life ahead of me and I always have the hope that things will get better.  I am just seeing things from a different perspective having been through being chronically ill.

Today I am going to the hospital for some tests.  It literally hurts to move, sit or even stand.  I'm going to have to go into the doctors and get a rinse or something for my mouth sores, it's quite miserable and hurts to eat.  No one realizes that the main problem with Crohns Disease and Lupus is pain.  It is just so overwhelming to be hurting constantly and beyond hurting to be in deep pain.  Also, I think there is such a misconception with Crohns Disease, most people think it's all about bowel issues but there is so much more to it.  It goes beyond just one symptom or problem.  It unfortunately, affects many parts of your body as I am learning.

The pain today is unbearable.  Absolutely horrendous to have to deal with this.  I suppose I will just go back to bed as the heating pad really helps.  I barely slept a wink and just tossed and turned through the pain.  Passing the bowels just about kills me and I pray to just get through it.  Seriously, a hard day.  My mouth is full of sores along with my nose.  Crohn's Disease can be a bad joke as it feels like today.  At least I am home and don't have to get up and go to work or worry about calling in sick to a job.  Bless the many sick individuals who have to deal with that on top of Crohns, it can't be easy.

My mouth is full of sores, my lower right abdomen hurts, even to walk.  Since it's been a week and a half and there has been no phone call to set up my pelvic ultrasound, I will give the doctors office a call today.  Try to get the ball rolling and get in and see what's going on.  When I wake up in the morning I am so stiff and it hurts just to sit back down or move around at all.  I immediately take a pain pill so that I can get my joints moving.  It's been over a year since I have been able to eat a regular meal.  I am on a low residue diet which consists of yogurt, bananas, eggs, toast and some peanut butter.  It's beyond old, I am incredibly hungry all the time. 

Had another migraine on Sunday and luckily we were able to get a hold of a doctor on call to get some medication in time to stop the migraine in it's tracks.  I haven't felt right, but not horrible, so I am happy with that.  Actually was able to walk my dog a short distance yesterday and a longer distance today. It's nice to have a break once in a while to feel somewhat civilized and participate in real life.  Being sick can be all encompassing, you don't realize it either.  So a reprieve is much appreciated and enjoy, short lived or not. 

I have been terribly sick.  On top of that, I have had a debilitating headache.  I don't get headaches, this has been going on for a few days and I am dizzy, my head hurts horribly and I am constantly nauseated.  The shades are pulled, I have my sunglasses on and pain pills don't even put a dent in the pain.  I finally went to the doctor yesterday and he diagnosed it as migraines.  Unfortunately since I am in the midst of this one there isn't much I can do, however he did give me medication to take at the onset of future migraines.  Really?  It seems like a bad joke.  I had an aunt who suffered terribly with migraines, she too was sickly.  She did not have an easy go with her health and now I am understanding even further what she went through. 

On top of migraines my doctor checked my iron count and is ordering another pelvic ultrasound.  He is writing another appeal to the insurance to try and get my Hysterectomy covered.  I have growths that are on the right lower uterus and during my menstrual cycle, not only is the bleeding horrible but the pain is over the top.  I appreciate his effort and can only hope that something can be done to help me.

Crohns Disease, Lupus, GERD, Asthma, Latent TB, Shingles and Migraines.  Hmmm. 

Three days of searing pain in my head and nausea.  I can't tell if it's migraines or a blockage.  Seriously feeling really bad this morning. I just want to crawl back into bed and close my eyes and wake up feeling better.  Problem is, each time I wake up, nothing changes.  I wonder how many other people feel the same way.  I miss the days of waking up and feeling well.  I wished I hadn't taken that so for granted.  If I ever get well, I will never ever again assume that being well is a part of life as clearly it isn't for everyone.