I am really putting forth the effort to eat right.  I didn't eat red meat or consume sugar for twenty plus years and now have gone back to not only  not eating read meat and avoiding sugar, but eating only fish.  I have an occasional egg and cheese.  The one exception is yogurt everyday.  Currently I am consuming only whole wheat but am thinking about switching to gluten free.  I have and continue to Juice everyday.   Tonight's dinner is Trout and steamed vegies.  I have read that a vegan diet or even partial vegan as I am doing is supposed to help in aiding staying in Remission.  I realize my problem is that I am not only not in Remission but suffering quite terribly.  Including today, no amount of anything seems to touch my pain.  While I have seen no difference in eating this way, I do feel that I am getting better nutrients than the low fiber diet.  Now this may not be realistic in the long run, this I realize.  But the longer you are sick the more desperate you become to trying almost anything for relief. 

Living in Central Oregon and needing Specialized care is in itself not a good combination.  The specialist are an hour away from where I live and there seems to be only one group of them at the major clinic.  The clinic itself I am sure is wonderful, however the GI Department is with many faults.  First off, it takes months and I mean many up to 6 months just to get a return appointment.  Can you imagine going in and seeing your Speciality for Crohn's Disease and not being able to return for an appointment for followup for over a half of a year.  That's not even with one of the Doctors that is seeing an Assistant.  That department has taken on too many patients and in my humble opinion is all about routine colonoscopies for the elderly instead of really taking care of patients with bowel diseases.  I look forward to leaving this area eventually and going somewhere where the treatment is real and they have ample doctors to help the sick.  Same goes for the other specialists you need to see.  One Infectious Disease Doctor for the whole area.  A even busier group of Rheumatologist at the same clinic that take an act of god to get into.  This is the sampling of health care you have to choose from if you move to this lovely little area outside of Portland.  It is a great place to live as long as you don't get sick.

Awoke during the middle of the night to nausea and it just wouldn't go away.  I forced myself to stay still and with the heating pad eventually fell back to sleep.  This is common with Crohn's Disease.  Your food doesn't go all the way down because of inflammation in your intestinal tract.  Of course this morning I am in horrendous pain and suffering.  I am ever so thankful that I don't have to get up and try to go to a job and put on a happy face.  I tried doing that for many years and it was miserable.  At least I can be in the comforts of my home and deal with this on my own, there is something to be said about that.   The problem with having a disease is that it is so multi faceted.  You don't just have one problem.  It is a variety of symptoms and together they make you very miserable.  I am sure this is true with most diseases.   If you see someone with a known disease, remember they may be suffering from many ailments.  Give them a little extra grace as more than likely they will need it.  I think this may be true for even folks who are well, they may have health issues that are ailing them.  I guess my point is be kind to each other, offer a bit of warmth to your fellow human being, life isn't easy for everyone. 

Saturday was spent all day in the restroom and Sunday in bed.  Really when I finally fell asleep through the pain last night, I woke feeling as if I haven't slept in weeks and the pain was back worse than ever before.  I just realized this morning that I am taking 24 pills a day, minimum.  It is laughable considering how sick I really am.  Sometimes I wonder how I am able to get through this, day after day.  I no longer have any good days, it's just the matter of how really bad I feel.  Considering I take so many pills and I am unable to take anything to treat my Lupus or my Crohns seems ridiculous but until my liver heals, which I cross my fingers it does, I will be unable to treat the TB.  Until the TB is treated, I won't be able to treat the two Diseases.  Really treating is an overstatement.  There are no cures, there are drugs that may or may not help with your symptoms and likely will leave you worse off than you really are.  Until there is a cure or even a known reason we are afflicted with these diseases there will be no relief.  We really are just trying to put bandaids on a wound we don't even know how we got or why it is there?  That really is a hard way to live and sad would be an understatement.  This disease has to be radicated if not in my lifetime hopefully my children's lifetime. 

Yesterday I could barely stand up or sit down due to Lupus pain in my hips and knees.  Today I cannot control my bowels, just changed clothes and bathed for a second time and it's noon.  Thank goodness I am home.  I can't image trying to be at a job and deal with this along with the severe pain.  It seems like a cruel joke but it is my life.  I watched a show on TV last night about individuals whose bones turn to stone.  There are 700 such individuals in the world.  So it could be worse and that is what keeps me from feeling pity for myself.  I would rather deal with this, than what they have to deal with.  And the minute you start taking life for granted you too could be hit with something devastating that will forever effect your life.  So until then, keep moving and enjoy every blessed minute you have!

The pain yesterday was the worse I have ever endured.  I wonder how I survive through it, but I seem to make it. Today isn't much better, although it must be because yesterday at this time I was sitting in a hot bath of water trying to get some relief since the pain pills were doing nothing. NADA! I cry a lot too.  Pathetic I know but I have to, it's the only way to bear the misery. My pain is always in the exact same spot.  My lower right quadrant, my colon.  I suppose it is like having a flaring appendix that never is taken out, just constant misery.  I would never in a million years expect this for my life but it is what I have been dealt.  I just have to deal with it and make the best of a bad situation.  Some people get relief with an ostomy and many don't.  There isn't an easy answer for this.  Furthermore the drugs being used at the present time seem very unpredictable and new, I realize this generation of sufferers are guinea pigs for the future generations.  There will come a time where they will have drugs that actually offer relief or a cure for this, but until then I have to fight the fight.  Sometimes worse than others, right now it is worse.

I am in so much pain today I can barely think straight.  I will probably just go back to bed and try to sleep though it and deal with it the best I can.  Not much else I can do.  There isn't much that going to the Emergency Room would do other than giving me stronger pain medications.  I hate the pain medications as it is, so I would rather stick it out and just try and get through it.  I feel bad that so many other people are going through the same thing, it is not an easy existence.