Usually I can put a positive twist on being chronically ill, but not lately.  I really just feel damm sick of the whole thing.  It's wearing on me and I really hate that I am even letting it get to me at all.  I should just accept my fate and make the best of it with a smile on my face.  I'm tired of smiling and pretending everything is okay because it's not.  It really, really is not!  It doesn't go away and it doesn't get better.  I have plenty to be thankful for, don't get me wrong.  But I have plenty of health problems that are becoming impossible to deal with on a daily basis.  If you have to scream to have a bowel movement and feel like you are going to pass out, I imagine that is why I am feeling at my whits end.  I am only human and can only endure so much suffering.  It isn't a pity party, it's more like I am really mad.  There are millions of us feeling exactly as I do yet there is no cure in sight.  For a few select few who catch this disease earlier in it's inception they can have a period of remission for the rest of us, it's a living hell!  I realize what I am saying isn't pretty and not an easy read but I just needed to say it.  I'm sick of this shit, no pun intended.