Six weeks ago I called my doctor to reorder a medication I get from the drug manufacturer because my insurance doesn't cover it and its close to 10K a year.  I have been taking it for a very long time.  I then called her back 3 weeks later and she never ordered it and of course at that time I only had a week left of it.  So I have been only taking it every few days.  Problem is it makes you feel horrible!  Not having gives you head spins, nausea, pain etc. I called yesterday and basically gave it to her, explaining that it's not like taking an aspirin and missing a day.  She called back and said they are red flagging my application and will try and process asap. Well that does me no good.  I am determined to stop taking this medication whether it helps or not.  It is prescribed for fibromyalgia and other joint pain problems but I can't live like this. This is a regular occurance for her and she just doesn't care. There are numerous websites offering support along with lawsuits concerning this drug and how horrible it is to get off of it.  It's not a narcotic.  It suppresses the brain signal in your brain to not feel pain, is my best description.  So I am on an every 3 day take a pill and only have four left.  If it gets to bad I will go to the ER or my doctor. I have been in misery and am determined to never experience it again.  If I get the medication I am going to continue my weaning and eventually I will get off of it or order a smaller milligram till my body no longer needs it.  I am going to try some other type of therapies for my pain in my joints.  I started taking this drug at a point where I was unable to leave the house to walk down the block due to horrible pain.  I just am keeping my fingers crossed that this doesn't happen again.   Where are the ethics of people in these positions.  They tout her as such a nice person, well a nice person would do their job and not put a persons health at risk.  One of the side effects of going off this medication are siezures, it's a serious game she's playing and I let her know that yesterday. She never once acknowledge that she had done anything wrong, suprising huh?

This is the second night in a row where I have been up with severe pain.  I awoke and couldn't move due to the pain.  Even reaching over for a pain pill made me cry.  Finally, after two and waiting an hour I was able to get out of bed.  But it's the middle of the night and I am up dealing with this.  I am so thankful my two children are grown and I don't have to get up and go to a job.  My only responsibilty is myself.  I do feel bad for my husband.  While we were away it was aparent that I am not up to going anywhere.  The last day we spent in the hotel and each evening, well after 5, I hit the hotel room bed and was asleep.  People keep talking about finding the good in your quest, there honestly is nothing good about being this sick. Period.  God did not give this to me, it is not inspiring and I would change it if I could!