No amount of pain medication is going to help me today.  My uterus and crohn's are doing me in.  Literally feel like a knife being twisted and turned and no let up. I respect the fact that my GI didn't think I would be able to go through a hysterectomy but the thought of more years of this after enduring it for so long is bleak.  Pain just sucks all thought from your mind, love from your being and strength from your soul.  If I didn't think what my doctor was saying was true, I would demand they do more to help me.  My only hope is early menopause and it's not looking likely.  My life has been much of the same and just continues to be a repeat of one day to the next. The less you are able to be there for others, the more lonely it becomes. People realize you have nothing to offer them and they eventually leave your life.  While it's very sad for myself, it has taught me a great lesson about life and if all I can do is offer words of encouragement for my struggling friends, then that is what I will do as it reminds me that I am not completely alone.

I have to say, I often feel defeated from being sickly so much and in such dire pain.  Friday night I fell asleep early afternoon and woke up to horrendous Crohn's in the evening.  I prayed for god to help me or take me as either one would have been fine at the moment.  I thought about the ER but was in too much pain to make it happen.  My family was mostly sleeping and so I was on the bathroom floor crying and shaking and trying to live through what we call Crohn's Disease.  Saturday was hard and I went to bed again in the early afternoon and slept through the pain till the morning, to only start over.  It sucks the energy from your life and you feel just plain helpless.  This morning I feel weak and "done in" for lack of a better phrase.  To have bowels and intestines that don't like it when you eat and you have to endure the food going through your system during these passages of it being mad is like jumping into a pool of hell!

Two weeks of a migraine.  Growth back in my adenoid again and I am passing it every few days, the surgery to have it removed was too brutal to go through it again.  However, I do realize I should have it checked to make sure it's not a tumor, it was benign last time.  I have a lump in my esophogus that hurts when I swallow and is causing spasms when I breath.  Pain in my middle upper back from my pancreas flaring. Crohn's doing it's evil deed today.  My joints hurt to get up, sit down, bend from my lovely Lupus.  This is all that is wrong with me.  The fatigue from all of this renders me useless.  I just feel like CRAP!  The sun is shining it's a beautiful day and here I sit in bed.  But here comes my baby puppy and my hubby is staining the deck and there are reasons to keep moving forward in the hopes of a healthy day in which I will be able to get out and do something fun.  It will come!

Fell asleep at 5pm yesterday afternoon batteling nausea and pain from a non stop migraine.  Awoke at 3am to more of the same but am thankful for the sleep.  How do migraines go on for days at a time.  This is day 10 and I feel like crap. On top of that my Pancreas is flaring and the pain, well you can imagine.  Just feel like crum everyday and everyday it doesn't change.  I forced myself to ride in the car into town and back and I couldn't wait to get back home.  I am once again, sick of being sick. My sense of humor is gone and I need a break from this, if even for a short time. What am I doing wrong that I am sick so damm much.  Is there something I could change to make it better?  I drastically changed my eating habits to try and help keep my Crohn's symptoms at bay. I juice everyday. Is there something that I am missing that could change this.  It's not fair that so many people walk around healthy and fine and others of us are holed up sick all the time.  Many people say, they are glad they got their illness it changed them and blah blah blah.  I would never feel that way, if I had a choice I would choose health, 100% for sure. Some say have a positive attitude, well screw that, you have a positive attitude.  I am miserable and a positive attitiude doesnt coinside with pain and misery.

Living daily with Crohns Disease: Day 10 of a Migraine from Lupus. My medication giv...

Living daily with Crohns Disease: Day 10 of a Migraine from Lupus. My medication giv...: Day 10 of a Migraine from Lupus. My medication gives me short relief but doesn't last and puts me to sleep.  Last night I was unable to ...

Day 10 of a Migraine from Lupus. My medication gives me short relief but doesn't last and puts me to sleep.  Last night I was unable to sleep through the head throbbing.  One side, always my right.  I feel dizzy, nauseated.  All the lovely classic symptoms.  My pancreas is acting up so I woke up with the knife pain and in tears. My joints are starting to feel fall weather.  I'm really a mess.  I do try and keep going and moving.  Even if it means just getting up and going back to bed. If someone offered me a million dollars or health, I would choose health.  Respect it, enjoy it and live it.  Being healthy isnt a given and should never be taken for granted. Especially if you are a family member of someone chronically ill!  Sieze the day.

I have spent most of the last week in bed with a migraine and lupus. It's hard to function when your head hurts and you have constant nasea.  I just want a break. My sleep has been from 3 in the afternoon till 6 in the morning.  It is the only thing that brings me relief.  I know migraines are common with Lupus.  They give me two migraine pills at a time, if I take them everyday, I will be at the pharmacy everyday. It makes no sense.  Inside, in bed during this nice September weather. Life is passing me by and I hate it.  I am missing out and there's not a damm thing I can do about it.  Complaining doesn't make it go away but I have to get it out. I don't get out, I don't get to do things, I am housebound with an illness.  Summer has came and went and I havn't participated.  Being chronically ill is hard.  If you get Cancer, you hopefully treat it and it goes away and life eventually resumes.  If you get a disease, it's a lifetime sentence that most people don't care to hear about or think about.  You are left dealing with it everyday and thinking about it everyday.  There are far too many of us stuck in the same situation.  I feel for the rest of my friends batteling an illness, life can be so hard and unfair and yet they smile and make the best of it!