It is becoming very hard for me.  Went out of town I am screaminig and crying in the hotel bathroom, sicker than a dog.  Caught something on the plane that feels like bronchitus, racking cough with green mucous, fever and I feel really bad.  Lupus kept be from being able to get myself in and out without difficulty.  The worse is going back to the hotel by 4 in the afternoon to go to bed because I just can't do it.  This doesn't feel like living and I feel very dependent on my poor husband who generally most of the time tries to make the best of it.

After three days of pure hell I am up and able to move around the house again.  This morning was bad but I just scream into a towel and get through it.  If it wasn't for being able to take pain medicaton I don't know what I would do. The best thing I can do for myself is to stop eating and try and get this to settle down.  I'm always amazed at the amount of pain I am able to survive through  Yesterday was another contemplation to go to the ER but I know there isn't much they can do for me other than give me more pain medication and I'm  not good about taking what I have.  Just was at the Doctors Monday, really not much he can do either.  I did discuss the hope of stem cell in the future but he said that was a slim chance that it would be anytime soon.  Still hopeful for others. He also brought up my positive TB test but what the hell?  I can't take the treatment so I pretend it't not there.  It's about surviving baby!

Today it hurts to stand up, sit down and no walking around for sure.  It is just too painful to move.  I know it's a combination of Crohn's, Lupus, Fibro and the need for a Hysterectomy that I can't have.  I am landing in bed early afternoon and just trying my best to get through it.  As lonesome as it can be being chronically ill it's nice to have the internet.  It's much easier to manage when you are able to keep your mind occupied when it's available.  A person can only watch so much TV.  If you are stuck inside reach out to someone, phone, internet, email and if you aren't stuck inside still reach out to those that are.