What a tough day and night and another hard morning.  I was up all night in and out of the restroom in serious pain.  If I thought there was something that could be done I would go into the doctor's.  Other than giving me more pain medication which I have no interest in, I'm not sure there is much I can do.  I just have to get through it, I guess.  I am not a happy camper as this struggle along with searing Lupus pain is just taking a toll on me.  I know others go through it and I will get through it too but it's damm hard.

What a horrible day yesterday, all night and this morning.  Non-stop Crohn's and pain that just won't let up.  I am exhausted and miserable and my Lupus is in a flare on top of all that.  Just want to crawl back into bed and hide but I have been there since yesterday afternoon and being in bed too long makes my Lupus worse.  I can't win.  It's going to be a long, long day.  I just pray for some relief soon.

I have some serious pain going on.  I can't get myself from my knees to standing on my own, I can't move in bed when I am sleeping and the pain is so great in my shoulder that I cannot life my coat.  It's time to see a doctor and see if anything can be done.  I cannot take it, nothing seems to be helping and I seem to be getting much worse instead of better.  I am 48 years old and cannot get in or out of the bathtub. I try to put a brave face on and make the best of it, but that's not making me better.  I am progressively getting worse and it's getting a bit scary.  On top of all this I still have Crohn's flaring.  It is not easy to be me at the moment and it's not getting any easier.  Something has got to change and soon.

Miserable in pain and nothing helps.  I can't move in bed to get comfortable, can't lift myself out of bed and just can't manage at the moment.  When you are in so much pain that's all you can think about.  I know it's my lupus flaring something awful but knowing what it is doesn't help.  I am in limbo waiting for insurance so I can go and try and see if there's anything that can be done.  My first stop would be acupuncture.  I am willing to try anything for some relief.  Pain is an enemy you don't want to deal with.

My liver is giving me real problems.  I have stabbing pain and it just generally hurts.  My eyes are yellow and my skin has a tinge.  This is all leftover from having taken Humira.  The drug being pushed like M&M's on TV.  Having liver damage is a serious issue.  I am eating the best I have in my whole life, juicing and getting sun even though it is hard with Lupus.  I realize there isn't much more I can do at this point.  It seemed I was getting better and now it's going backwards.  All I want to do is sleep and I realize this is a side effect from my liver.  I guess I should go in and have my labs checked sooner than later.

Slept ten hours and woke up to crying and screaming and holding in my abdomen as I tried to get through going to the restroom. Yes, it is that bad and it is exhausting and getting very, very old.  I barely ate anything yesterday hoping that it would help, doesn't seem to matter.  This is a hard existence living like this, it's tiring and physically draining.  I feel so bad for everyone else who has to go through this too. It just isn't right.  It shouldn't be like this.  If doctor's went through this just one week, they would ban together and create a cure as they wouldn't be able to stand the hell that is my life.

Another night of the same, up and down to the restroom.  That would be okay, well not so bad if it wasn't accompanied by so much pain.  I am trying to not get stressed, eat right and do all the right things for my health but it obviously isn't enough  Crohn's is crohn's and it is relentless at times.  Sometimes it's not about what you eat or do it's just about the disease that ravages through your body, getting its own way.  No one understands what it is like to live like this day in and day out without hope for a cure.  Just trying to control symptoms and make the most of what life has given you.

Very hard night with Crohn's. Went to bed seething in pain only to wake up at 2:00 to make the awful trips to the restroom.  That sad part is that their are many people like myself who suffer day in and day out with the same torture.  I would rather it was just me.  My story isn't unique.  I wished it was.  I feel like I have ran a marathon today and can barely function.  Probably will just end up back in bed soon.  I have become afraid to eat as food  is the enemy. If I can go without eating, my suffering eventually is less.  It is a hard way to live your life but that is my life.

Forced myself awake after sleeping 15 hours and now the Crohn's kicks in.  I think I would rather be back sleeping.  My lupus has somehow finally given me a break, I hate to say that as then it kicks back in.   It is just lovely Crohn's Disease today.  I didn't even eat much yesterday as I went to bed in the early afternoon.  I think fighting an illness day in and day out wears you out.  Mentally and physically and you just have to give into it.  So it may be back to bed for me.

Another day wracked with pain.  It amazes me how much pain a person can endure when they have to.  But I really think it wears on you having to deal with pain on a constant bases.  Imagine stubbing your toe and then imagine it never going away.  That's my life to the "T".  It never goes away, sometimes it webs and flows depending on what I have taken to treat the pain but it never leaves.  It's just a matter of how much I am able to withstand at any certain time.  Then add nausea on top of this, constant bowel problems, migraines, liver pain, psoriasis and well now you have my life!  Am I complaining? Damm right!

It is apparent that I need female surgery sooner than later.  It is causing havoc for me.  The bathroom floor was my bed for part of last night as a cried and tried to get through the pain.  It is just a matter of enduring it at times.  Still waiting to hear about insurance as it's suppose to be ready Feb 1, but I am not holding my breath.  In the meantime the pain is mean and ugly and I am suffering like a dog.

Now that I am done bawling I can think somewhat straight.  My pain patch had gone past the time needed and I was suffering and didn't realize why.   New pain patch and a pain pill to kick in till it starts working.  This was probably worse than waking to severe Crohn's and a prompt trip to the shower.  What a day so far.   It feels like someone is pulling on my shoulder and the pain just keeps shooting, this is thanks to my dear friend Lupus.  And people wonder why I speak out about the dangers of Humira, it's the small warning they say in the commercial and print where no one will see it.  If it happens to you, it will then be of importance.

Woke up to the deadly Crohn's pain, every single morning and all night long. On top of that my Lupus is really flaring.  I am sure this is one of my side effects that I am dealing with.  I cannot move to get comfortable in bed, I cannot sit up to get out of bed, my shoulders and neck feel like someone is sticking knives through me.  Thank god for my fentanyl patch as I know it would be much, much worse if that was even possible.  Now to figure out a natural way to treat this, that is and will always be my first approach after the Humira debacle.

Lupus Myositis

Some people with lupus develop myositis, an inflammation of the skeletal muscles that causes weakness and loss of strength. Lupus myositis often affects the muscles of your neck, pelvis, thighs, shoulders and upper arms; difficulty in climbing stairs and getting up from a chair are early symptoms. Later symptoms may include difficulty lifting objects onto a shelf, lifting your arm to comb or brush your hair, getting out of the bath, and even raising your head or turning over in bed.

I had hoped that my first blog of the New Year would be positive but I have to tell it like it is.  My Lupus is flaring and my joints hurt beyond hurting.  Stabbing like pains.  I fell trying to get in the bathtub.  Most of the night was spent dealing with Crohn's and the stabbing pain in my lower right abdomen.  This is a hard start to the year but I can't help but think it's got to get better.  I have to keep hoping or at least keep trying as giving up just isn't an option.  There's my optimistic thought for the day at least today.