Six days without a bowel movement and I knew I was in trouble.  Woke during the middle of the night vomiting and then this morning to horrendous pain.  Holding the wall and crying just to get through it.  Damm Crohn's Disease does a real  number on a person.  I went to bed yesterday afternoon feeling bad and could tell something was brewing.  On top of that I have very bad joint pain.  So much so that I cannot move in bed without taking a pain pill and waiting for it to kick in so I can adjust from by back to my side.  It's a real problem and honestly a bit scary.  Winter has set in here and it's set into my joints too.  I cannot live in a cold climate.  While I can't run out and move somewhere instantly it's clear that I need to find a spot to Winter in.  Winning the lottery would help too!

I really tried yesterday, but I broke down and took a Cymbalta and went to bed at 2:00 pm and slept 15 hours and then forced myself out of bed.  I feel a bit more human today, but my head is still off.  I am alive but not living and haven't been for a very long, long time.  It's a very sad existence to watch the world go forward without you.  I spend every single day in bed all night and all day.  I get up and shower only to go back to bed.  If I'm lucky I venture to the grocery store with my husband and a big trip might be Costco once a month.  This is not living and seems to be getting worse instead of better.  The last ten years have been so hard and no one seems to understand except for my immediate family who sees me and my existance.  Once in a while I get a break and it's like winning the lottery.  I never expected to be chronically ill and never understood others who were, until I have lived through it myself.  I realize there's no hope for me as even if I could get one disease under control, I have two others that would always be there.  It's just a bit much most days.  I deeply love my hubby, daughter and son and they are the reason I keep getting up showering everyday trying to pretend everything is normal.

Oh Boy am I sick.  It hurts to have my head upright and my eyes open.  And then there's the nausea.  This is what it's like to try and go off Cymbalta.  It's obvious that my healthcare providers don't care.  Even after a return phone call concerning my Cymbalta.  I told the person that she has no idea what it's like to go without this medication and it's all because of her.  She didn't do her job and here I sit suffering.  Why do people get into the healthcare business if they really don't give a shit about their patients.  She acts all nice and proper but deep down she's not as good of a person as she pretends to be.  I live in a small town where everyone knows each other and I have ran into this person and she has obviously been talkin about me in front of my face.  Question is, do I turn her into HIPAA.  I do deserve some privacy, it's bad enough she can't do her job.  She has no business telling others about my personal life.  If I choose to share it, then it's on me.  But healthcare workers should do their job and keep their mouth shut. Some people may think I need to be more positive, well I need to speak the truth.  This person shouldn't be able to do this to another.  If her job includes getting medications for patients, then she should know what the effects are when she makes mistakes.  I understand now why there are numerous lawsuits against the drug maker for not adequately explaining the consequences of having to get off this medication.  Yet there are many medications like this used to treat Fibromyalgia.