This week has been seriously hard.  Ah well, what can I do.  I am seriously tired today but will face it with a smile and try to make the best of a very  hard night.  I slept maybe four hours, I guess that's better than nothing.  My shingle seem to be better, knock on wood.  My joints don't hurt like they have.  It's just the lower right abdominal pain that won't subside.  I did get a new heating pad that can be dry and wet and has an automatic shutoff.  Problem with the shutoff is as soon as it shuts off, I wake up.   But it is much safer that way.  Hope others are feeling better than I am.

My day is just not normal.  I spend it taking pain pills, crawling into bed, sitting on the toilet and in between I have a few good cries.  I do work and try to get some things done in between but it isn't easy.  On a regular day or week I don't leave the house.  It's just too hard.  I either deal with pain or bowel issues.  My diet is very limited and has been for about 9 months.  When I get very hungry I have a piece of toast, otherwise it's jello cups, yogurt and eggs or peanut butter.  I still cook meals for my family but haven't eaten them in almost a year.  Some days I have horrendous joint pain, nausea and a fever.  I long for the days when I would sleep decent, wake up feeling energetic.  Eat whatever I wanted to and have a full day and come home tired and ready for bed.  To be able to leave the house, feel well and want to and be able to do things.  This disease makes you crawl in and hide, just to be able to deal with your life and symptoms.  I continue with the hope that things will change, crohn's, lupus, TB and Shingles something has to getter better soon than later.

Seriously, I feel disgusted with a few people in my life.  You would expect to be given a certain amount of patience in dealing with us.  I am sick literally 24 hours a day.  I didn't sleep last night due to the pain.  My mouth and nose are full of sores.  Not pleasant.  The pain in my lower right abdomen was so bad I just literally sat up all night with a heating pad.  People are so mean, they say mean things and treat you poorly when you are at your lowest point.  When your ability to stand up for yourself is just not available to you.  I think it says a lot about someones character if they take advantage of people at their weakest moments.  They go about their lives and leave you worse for the wear after taking it, it's really unbelievable and sad.  You can only hope people will grow and change but some are just going to be like that and never realize the hurt they leave in their path.

Another symptoms.  Actually has been going on for a while, just I have tried to keep it on the down low.  Unfortunately, my husband noticed one day and then while I sleep.  My right hand tremors.  He seems to be pretty worried about it, but seriously with all that I have going on, it's just another symptom to figure out.  I will mention it when I go to the doctors.  I am also experiencing fluttering in my chest.  Although my blood pressure checked at home seems fine.  Going to the doctor is of little interest to me, I even loathe going.  Not only that, but they really have been little to no help to me lately.  Crohn's, lupus, latent TB, Shingles, GERD,  Uterine Fibroids and now Tremors.  I will try to keep a smile on my face.

A few days ago I woke up with a new red rash on my stomach and blisters.  I am thinking after getting some wisdom from my ailing mother that I have Shingles.  It's like a bad joke, seriously.  Last night was a horrible night of sleeping, I can't explain it exactly but it's extremely hard to sleep through excruciating pain.  I'm thankful that I am sleeping but the sleep is odd when you are hurting.  It literally was almost impossible to force myself up and to move. If it wasn't for needing to run to the restroom I wouldn't have gotten out of bed at all.  I will forge on as I have work to do and a business to run.  I think this is what keeps me moving.  Seriously though, it's going to be an extremely long hard day. 

Extended family stress and a very sick hard weekend has sent me over the edge.  I feel like I have been hit by a train and every movement just hurts.  I will forge on.  Some people are mean bullies and I just have so little time for it.  The best thing I can do for myself is to cut ties from them and live my own life and take care of myself as no one else really seems to care anyway.  So here's to a better day today without the drama of the evil family members who have nothing to do but be mean to others!

Try having diarrhea and pain every time you eat or drink.  Then add 10 to 15 bowel movements a day, sometimes accidents included.  Add again, joint pain and aches that make you feel like a very old person, even if you are young.  Then add weight loss due to lack of eating and diarrhea.  Lastly, sleep problems.  Now we could add a lot more than that but we will leave it as is.  Consider living your daily life, everyday with all of these issues.  Will you sometimes say or spell things wrong, answer less quickly than you used to or respond wrong?  My experience is yes, consider people who live everyday with a chronic or debilitating illness.  When you come across someone regularly or once in a while in this position, give them a break.  Add a bit more kindness to how you treat them, be less quick to be critical.  Offer a kind word.  Someday you may to be in the same position and your kindness will be payed forward.

Pain, pain go away, come again another day.  This daily endless streaming pain is exhausting to deal with.  Pain pills give me some relief but for the most part I am dealing with it every moment of every day.  Even during the night sleep is taken over by the cruel pain that is in my lower right abdomen.  It has always been in the same spot.  My joints hurt and I have aches and pains in other areas of my body, but the constant knife shooting pain has always been my lower right.  It has become a full time job for me and I must say my spouse in helping me deal with this, sometimes better than others.  It is hard to believe that I may have to live long term with this, in this state of pain.  It is sad to think that others like myself deal with this too.  Something has got to give or change at least that is what I grasp for.

Many thanks to you who read or follow my blogs.  I realize everyone has their own problems to deal with.  The fact that you take the time to read mine and still deal with your own means a lot to me.  I never mean to diminish what others are going through.  Everyone's problems are their own and are just as important as mine.  It is no fun to feel bad, sick or depressed and hopefully my sharing will help you share yours with others.  So be good to yourself and take care.

I refuse to be treated poorly by anyone.  You would think when you are sick that you would be given a little bit of a pass.  It just doesn't seem to be so.  The people closes to you should be the most considerate.  To be treated rudely on a regularly basis is just not acceptable.  As hard as it is to close off communication if that's what is needed that's what will be done.  I think in doing so, the people who are rude will either realize it or move on.  The latter is sad but it's better than having to deal with bullying.  I have enough health issue to deal with that dealing with mean people is just too dang hard.

Watched Chris Hansens report on Drug Trials.  After watching it, I am thankful I didn't qualify for the Stelara Drug Trial and actually question some of these drugs I have taken that have given me horrific lasting side effects.  It is unbelievable the wrong that is involved in some of these Drug Trials that start outside of the US.  Paying patients to be a part of the Trials whether they have symptoms relating to the Drug or not.  Many are in more than one Trial at a time, just for the money.  It saddens me that this is going on and people are being used as human guinea pigs.  It surely will make you think twice about everything and whether the risk is worth the possible outcome or in my case outcomes.  All of these quietly disclosed possible side effects should not be so quietly hidden, they are real and can forever change your life.  If you get a chance to see this episode of Dateline you should take the time to watch it, it will forever open your eyes.

The only thing the doctors and medical profession have done for me is create bills and more health problems.  I am going to embrace the natural route in dealing with this disease.  I have been taking Fish Oil  and have seen a difference in my joints.  For quite some time I have been taking Probiotics and had stopped, so I am back taking them as well.  I have added Glucosamine for my Joints and aching, 5 Loxin for inflammatory, Liver Complex to protect my liver from anymore damage.  In the future I am going to add a multivitamin chew since my diet is non existent in order to control my crohn's symptoms.  My insurance will not cover acupuncture and I would like to try it out, so as soon as I can afford it, I will go and give it a try.  It surely can't hurt. I'm considering gluten free, since I am almost there anyway, the only gluten I currently consume is a piece of toast now and then.  With Crohn's Disease, Lupus, Asthma, TB, GERD I currently need to try something different because what I have been doing isn't working.

I have real grave concerns for others who are on Biological Drugs.  They come with so many known possible side effects and I think the thing that we don't realize is that the chances of getting those side effects must be really possible.  I now have two life changing side effects from Humira.  Used to fight my Crohn's Disease and now I have Lupus and TB.  These are serious diseases to deal with.  I started out just needing to get better from Crohns Disease and now my life will forever be different.  If I can get two serious side effects and that just in a matter of less than a year after stopping Humira, who knows what else is coming, then I think we should all be very, very, very concerned.  I am not trying to put the fear of god in anyone but to keep others from having to go through the despair I am feeling.  Please, please if you are not feeling huge relief in taking these drugs, then have a very serious conversation with yourself on whether the risk is worth the benefit.