I really tried yesterday, but I broke down and took a Cymbalta and went to bed at 2:00 pm and slept 15 hours and then forced myself out of bed.  I feel a bit more human today, but my head is still off.  I am alive but not living and haven't been for a very long, long time.  It's a very sad existence to watch the world go forward without you.  I spend every single day in bed all night and all day.  I get up and shower only to go back to bed.  If I'm lucky I venture to the grocery store with my husband and a big trip might be Costco once a month.  This is not living and seems to be getting worse instead of better.  The last ten years have been so hard and no one seems to understand except for my immediate family who sees me and my existance.  Once in a while I get a break and it's like winning the lottery.  I never expected to be chronically ill and never understood others who were, until I have lived through it myself.  I realize there's no hope for me as even if I could get one disease under control, I have two others that would always be there.  It's just a bit much most days.  I deeply love my hubby, daughter and son and they are the reason I keep getting up showering everyday trying to pretend everything is normal.