Have you ever left the house and gone somewhere and when you get there you immediately wished you had stayed home  Arriving and doing whatever the task is at hand, just proves to be too much for you to handle?  That was me today at Costco, I felt completely out of sorts.  Just trying to drag myself up and down the isle till it was over with.  It is hard to accept the fact that you are sick and just need to stay home all the time but it is a better environment than pretending to feel well and coming across crass.  I cannot stand and pretend I am well and happy and carry on a conversation and seem interested when I am having a hard time just standing up and functioning.  I think this is one of the very hard things with this disease.  I have learned to say no and eventually people quit asking and the judgement follows, but honestly if getting out of bed each day is all we can muster up to do, then I don't think we should be bullied into doing more than that.  It is what is is.  No one would give up an active life to become a sick hermit at home, it's not about no wanting to, it's about knowing your limits and clearly today I misjudged my own

It is fall and so many of my Crohn's friends are suffering including myself.  I have to believe the change in the weather must be the reason it sends so many of us into flares.  I have been suffering from migraines for weeks now and it has really peeked.  I sit with my sunglasses on and shades pulled and will make it for a short bit and then need to close my eyes.  My Crohn's is active and keeps me up most of the night, I take a pain pill and nod off only to wake up in the bathroom.  Maintaining my eating little or less than nothing to try and control this but it doesn't seem to be helping.  Then there is the lovely Lupus.  My joints are flaming red and it hurts just to try and adjust my body when laying in bed.   I feel completely and utterly broken.  Spent the last 18 hours in bed and I am back in bed again.  To say this is a hard life is an understatement.  Some people say when they get sick that they wouldn't change anything, the experience made them a better person.  I say screw that, I would change everything!  There is nothing about being chronically ill that has made me a better person.

I am going longer in between pain patches in the hopes of slowly weaning myself off this medication.  The easier way I am told is to go on methadone and you don't experience the nasty side effects.  The problem along with all this is that my pain is also coming back with a strong furry.  My crohn's has increased and it hurts to move.  I sit here with my feet up and a heating pad underneath them for some relief.  I have no idea what in the world I am going to do once I get myself off this crap as before I was bed bound.  But if I continue to take it I will continue to have hepatitis and the side effects of liver damage as just as damming.  I realize I cannot give up but I do feel a bit hopeless.  What in the hell am I going to do?  I guess just get through getting off these patches, which will take a few months and hopefully get through having hepatitis, an increase in my Crohn's Disease and Lupus pain that is unjust and unbearable.

Wow, what a week for me.  I have been so, so, sick.  I slept 16 hours last night and had to be woken up.  The hepatitis is making very tired, dizzy, nauseated and generally in poor health, which sounds funny to say.  I have no appetite and it's like having the flu.  Along with very sore joints from Lupus and my Crohn's not playing fairly and on top of all this I have to slowly wean myself off of my pain patch, which will be months to battle as it is very addicting.  Things are always so bad for me that when something else happens it's really makes me feel down for the count.  Just feeling broken and sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Like I haven't said that before.

Living daily with Crohns Disease: Truly am so sick that if I think about it I could ...

Living daily with Crohns Disease: Truly am so sick that if I think about it I could ...: Truly am so sick that if I think about it I could just cry all the time.  Crohn's pain and trips most of the night and on top of that I ...

Truly am so sick that if I think about it I could just cry all the time.  Crohn's pain and trips most of the night and on top of that I have excruciating joint pain.  It hurts to step or walk on my feet.  My shoulders hurt, knees hurt, calves, hips and just about everything.  It's impossible to sleep and all I can try to do is take my mind off of it.   On top of this, I feel a migraine coming on.  I still feel determined to eat well no matter what.  Anything I can do to maybe make a difference is worth a try.  But I feel dreadful.  Monday I will get my results concerning my liver and whether I can continue on the pain patch or not.  All I can do is just no one else has to go through this and try and keep a good attitude although today it is painfully hard.

My joints don't hurt they are on fire with pain.  I can barely move to sitting position in bed and force myself up from a sitting position but cry out in pain.  I force myself to keep walking but it's almost null as I have become so very slow.  Its not just a little ache this is almost a point of feeling like my joints are locked and the pain radiates up and down my legs and across my shoulder and into my hands.  I worry that it is becoming very debilitating.  Currently I am flaring with fissures that feel like a knife is being poked into my bottom and it doesn't seem to be getting better.  It is frightening to be this sick, I don't understand why I am getting worse instead of better.  I am thankful for a few weeks reprieve but it's back with a vengeance.  I am eating well, as well as I can considering.  I had a banana for breakfast yesterday, juiced (carrots, spinach, kale and an apple for lunch.  Dinner was an apple and organic peanut butter.  Everyday I fall asleep mid afternoon,so I am getting plenty of rest even though it doesn't feel restful.  Today I started liquid glucosamine as anything is worth a try and I will try anything just to feel relief.