Sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Against my better judgement I pursued getting an answer from the nurse of my GI doctor.  She admittedly didn't do anything with the request for Cimzia assistance in October, never called back in November, never called back last week.  So I pursued it with a vengeance this week.  My insurance said it was so expensive they wouldn't even cover a half a dose.  She did call back and say I was approved, that tomorrow I would get a call from them (Cimzia Assistance).  The first dose should come in about 2 weeks. It's an injection/sub cutaneous shot.  Two the first day, then again at week 1, 2 and 4.  The first month is around 24,000.00.  No wonder my insurance won't cover it.  I asked if anyone else is on it, unlike what she told me in October, they only have one other patient.  Everyone else is using other medications.  I know of someone who tried it and had an allergic reaction and had to stop.  It does contain mouse protein which worries me.  I have super bad allergies and premedicated for Remicade which also was made of mouse protein.  I probably will premedicate myself for this too.  I asked about my liver issues, I swear it's like talking to a wall with her, she had no idea and so I told her last time I saw him he wanted me to have a biopsy done since my liver was so ill, I would not be comfortable going back on any biologicals without having my liver checked. So I will do it myself by going to my Family Doctor and having him send the results to my GI and check with my GI before taking. As much as I really need help, I want to live through taking the medications. It does me no good if I die from liver failure.  My worry is if I don't do something other than treating the pain and bowel problems the inflammation and fistulas will grow and become a bigger problem the longer they fester.  It really feels like I'm doctoring myself in some sense, no one at that clinic is looking out for my best interests.  So we will see, one step at a time.  If my liver is okay and the Cimzia doesn't work, I will ask to go back on the Drug Trial of Stellara or search Portland for a Drug Trial to join.  I cannot keep living in this pain and put my family through this distress.  Life is passing me by and is way too short to lose this much of my life to this disease.  If I try and all fails, at least I have tried.